I’m the girl you love to hate. I have a marriage envied by most. My children aren’t just beautiful; they are intelligent, kind, and loving people. My body is bangin’ and I eat healthy all the time. My house is always impossibly clean, I’m always dressed stylishly, and I always seem to know what to say. Who am I? An illusion!
She is not perfect. She’s terrified her marriage will fall apart because she’s insecure and has been left before. Her worst fear is being a horrible mother because hers wasn’t present enough to lead by example. She sees flaws in her body that you don’t and eats powdered donuts by the bag behind her cabinet door when no one is looking. Oh yeah, she also eats fast food, but only in her car in the back of some empty parking lot so no one can see her. Her house is a wreck, just ask her. She envies young girls in their stylish clothes and secretly wishes her budget would allow her to buy more, though she doesn’t want to be defined by her appearance. She has a way with words (it’s her gift) but often has no idea how to solve her own problems and doesn’t take her own advice.
Don’t judge her! The reality is there are a lot of women like this. They are your neighbor, friend, co-worker, or maybe….you? You look perfect on the outside because you have an overwhelming desire to be perfect. Unfortunately that desire causes such turmoil within you, you can never be happy with yourself. Sure, you can function and most of the time are able to find your own version of happiness that gets you through your day well enough. Then there’s the dark side. The place you slip into that feels like you can never escape. The place where that mean girl in your head tells you that you aren’t good enough. You aren’t worthy of love or friends. Or happiness. In that place you feel like you are watching your life on a movie screen. You’re trying to scream at the girl on the screen that she’s awesome. That it’s okay. Just snap out of it because there really is a perfect life waiting for her where people love and need her. Unfortunately, she can’t hear you. She’s too busy being miserable. Although she does wonder why her friends don’t notice something is wrong, making her even more miserable. Of course they didn’t notice because she holds it together so well; they envy how perfect she is.
It’s hard to get out of that darkness. No one understands. I’m here to tell you, that’s where you’re wrong. There are a LOT of women who go through this. A lot of women have seen the darkness and have lived to tell about it. People you know who are just like you, but too ashamed to admit it. JUST LIKE YOU. They think you are holding it all together and you would laugh in their face if you knew the craziness they felt.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, my friends. Once you reach the light, the logical part of your brain is able to understand how “crazy” you were while you were in the darkness. Reach out to someone you trust. When you want their help the least is when you will need it the most. They can help you get through that darkness and back into the light where you are perfectly imperfect. Don’t be afraid. You are so worth it!
“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.” ~ Anne Lamott